10 Signs You Are Dating a Narcissist

Dating can be a minefield, and sometimes, we find ourselves drawn to people who seem perfect at first—only to later realise they exhibit toxic, even abusive, behaviours. Narcissists, in particular, are masters of manipulation, making it difficult to identify them early on. But understanding their traits and behaviours can help you make informed decisions about your relationships.

This guide will highlight ten clear signs you may be dating a narcissist, the difference between overt and covert narcissism, and how these behaviours manifest in dating, communication, relationships, marriage, and even pregnancy. We will also discuss how to recognise and change any enabling behaviours in yourself. The goal here is not to blame, but to empower you with knowledge.

1. Love-Bombing: Too Much, Too Soon

One of the most common red flags when dating a narcissist is love-bombing. They will shower you with attention, gifts, and grand declarations of love, often within weeks of meeting you. It feels intoxicating—like you've met your soulmate. The excessive affection and overwhelming gestures are designed to make you emotionally dependent on them. However, this love is conditional, and once they feel they have secured your commitment, the grand displays of affection suddenly stop, leaving you confused and yearning for the person they first pretended to be.

The aim of love-bombing is to fast-track the relationship so that you lower your guard before you have time to evaluate their true character. The intensity might feel flattering, but it's often a sign that they are trying to manipulate you into a relationship where they have the upper hand. Pay attention to how they react when you slow things down or set boundaries—do they respect your pace, or do they pressure you to move faster?

Example: Sophie met Dan, who told her within two weeks that she was "the one." He sent flowers to her office, planned elaborate dates, and constantly messaged her. But the moment she set a boundary—refusing to cancel plans with friends—he became distant and cold. Love-bombing isn't real love; it's a tactic to hook you in. Once Dan felt he had secured Sophie’s emotional investment, he withdrew his affection to create confusion and dependency.

2. They Lack Empathy

A key trait of narcissists is their inability to empathise with others. They struggle to truly understand or care about your feelings, only feigning concern when it benefits them. They may give the appearance of listening, but their responses will often be dismissive, shallow, or self-centred. If they cannot relate to your emotions, they may trivialise your experiences, making you feel like your feelings are invalid or exaggerated.

In an argument, instead of acknowledging your perspective, they may make you feel like you're overreacting. Rather than offering comfort when you are upset, they may act inconvenienced or irritated. If you express emotional pain, they may shift the conversation to themselves, making your struggles about their inconvenience. Over time, this emotional neglect can cause you to question your worth and whether your emotions even matter.

Example: When Sarah told her boyfriend Tom she was struggling with anxiety at work, he dismissed her, saying, "You’re just overreacting. Everyone has problems." Instead of offering support, he made her feel weak for having emotions. Rather than comforting her or suggesting solutions, he invalidated her feelings, making her feel guilty for expressing her struggles. This pattern led Sarah to suppress her emotions and avoid sharing personal issues, reinforcing Tom’s emotional control over her.

3. Everything is Always Your Fault

Narcissists never take responsibility for their actions. If they hurt you, they will flip the situation and make you the villain. They are experts at shifting blame, twisting reality so that you always end up apologising—even when they were the ones in the wrong. This keeps you on the defensive and allows them to control the narrative of the relationship.

A narcissist may provoke an argument and then accuse you of being too sensitive. If they lie and get caught, they may insist you misheard them. If they cheat, they might say it's because you weren’t giving them enough attention. This pattern makes you question your own perception of reality, causing you to overcompensate in the relationship while they continue their harmful behaviours without accountability.

Example: You express frustration that they forgot your birthday, and instead of apologising, they say, "You’re so needy! Why do you always have to make everything about you?" Instead of acknowledging their mistake, they make you feel guilty for expecting basic consideration. Over time, this makes you hesitant to speak up for yourself, fearing that any expression of disappointment will be met with blame and emotional punishment.

4. They Play Mind Games (Gaslighting)

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that makes you question your own reality. If your partner constantly denies things they’ve said or done, you might be experiencing this. Gaslighting is one of the most psychologically damaging tactics narcissists use, as it undermines your confidence in your own perception, memory, and sanity.

They may tell you one thing and later deny they ever said it. They may insist that you are misremembering past events, making you feel confused and unsure of yourself. The longer you are subjected to gaslighting, the more likely you are to defer to the narcissist’s version of events, even when deep down, you know something isn't right.

Example: You recall a time they insulted you in public, and they insist, "I never said that. You must be imagining things." Over time, this can destroy your self-trust. At first, you might defend your memory, but as the gaslighting continues, you start second-guessing yourself. You become reliant on them to define what is real, giving them greater control over you.

5. They Have a Grandiose Sense of Self

Overt narcissists are easy to spot—they boast about their achievements, exaggerate their importance, and demand admiration. Covert narcissists, however, play the victim, believing they are special but underappreciated. Regardless of the type, narcissists hold an inflated view of their own importance, expecting the world to revolve around them.

An overt narcissist might constantly talk about their successes and demand recognition, expecting to be treated as superior. A covert narcissist, on the other hand, might complain that they are never given the opportunities they "deserve," playing the victim to gain sympathy. Both types manipulate others to feed their ego.

Example: Mark constantly talked about how he deserved a better job, a better car, and a better partner because he was "destined for greatness." Meanwhile, when his girlfriend achieved something, he belittled her. He couldn’t handle the idea that someone else’s success might overshadow his own. His need to feel superior meant he had to diminish others to maintain his own inflated self-image.

6. They Are Extremely Controlling

Narcissists thrive on control. They manipulate situations to ensure they remain in a position of power in the relationship. At first, their controlling tendencies might seem harmless, disguised as concern or protectiveness. They may want to know where you are at all times, subtly dictate who you spend time with, or comment on your clothing choices. Over time, this need for control intensifies, and they begin to make decisions for you, stripping you of your independence.

They might control your access to finances, discourage you from seeing certain friends or family members, or monitor your phone and social media. This isolation weakens your support system, making it harder to leave. If you attempt to assert independence, they might guilt-trip you, act jealous, or even explode in rage to scare you into compliance.

Example: Rachel noticed her boyfriend James would become moody whenever she planned to see her friends. He would say things like, "I just don’t trust them. I feel like they’re a bad influence on you." At first, it seemed like he was just being protective. But soon, he would start fights before her meetups, making her feel guilty about going out. Eventually, she stopped making plans altogether, which was exactly what James wanted.

7. They Use Silent Treatment and Punishment

Rather than handling conflicts in a healthy way, narcissists use the silent treatment as a weapon. They withdraw affection, communication, and even physical presence to punish you when you don’t comply with their expectations. This tactic is meant to make you feel insecure and desperate for their approval.

You might find yourself apologising for things you didn’t do, simply to get them to engage with you again. The more you try to fix the situation, the more power they hold over you. Over time, you begin walking on eggshells to avoid setting them off, losing your ability to express your needs in the relationship.

Example: Ben and Mia had a disagreement about where to spend Christmas. Instead of talking it through, Ben completely ignored Mia for days. No calls, no texts—just silence. Mia felt panicked and upset, wondering what she had done wrong. She ended up apologising just to get him to acknowledge her again. This pattern repeated itself, leaving Mia constantly anxious about upsetting Ben.

8. They Are Pathological Liars

A narcissist’s entire identity is built on lies—about their past, their achievements, and even their feelings. They lie to impress, to manipulate, and to avoid consequences. Whether it’s small lies about what they had for lunch or massive fabrications about their past relationships, their dishonesty is a key part of their manipulation.

If you ever catch them in a lie, they will deny, deflect, or turn the blame onto you. They may accuse you of being paranoid or overly suspicious, making you doubt your own instincts. Over time, you may begin to question reality itself, wondering if you’re the one who is being unreasonable.

Example: When Olivia found messages from another woman on her boyfriend Luke’s phone, he immediately dismissed her concerns. "She’s just a friend. You’re always so insecure." But later, she found out he had been dating this woman for months. Instead of admitting his betrayal, Luke doubled down on his lies, making Olivia feel like she was the problem for even questioning him.

9. They Have No Respect for Your Boundaries

A narcissist sees boundaries as a challenge rather than a limit. They believe they are entitled to every part of you—your time, your body, your emotions—without restriction. If you try to set a boundary, they will test it, push against it, or outright ignore it until you give in.

They may demand constant access to your phone, show up uninvited, or pressure you into things you’re uncomfortable with. If you say no, they might guilt-trip you or accuse you of being selfish. Healthy partners respect boundaries; narcissists see them as obstacles to their control.

Example: Emma told her boyfriend Alex she needed some alone time after work to unwind. At first, he agreed. But soon, he started calling repeatedly during that time, turning up at her house unexpectedly, and making her feel guilty for wanting space. Instead of respecting her needs, Alex treated her boundary as something to break down.

10. They Discard You When You No Longer Serve Them

Perhaps the most painful trait of a narcissist is how easily they can discard you once they no longer need you. The same person who once love-bombed you, made grand promises, and claimed you were their everything can suddenly become cold, indifferent, and cruel. Once they have drained you emotionally, financially, or mentally, they will move on as if you never existed.

Some will ghost you completely, while others will keep you around just enough to string you along. If they find someone else to fuel their ego, they may flaunt their new relationship to hurt you. If you try to leave first, they might resort to extreme tactics—sudden affection, fake apologies, or threats—to reel you back in.

Example: After four years of dating, Chloe’s boyfriend Matt suddenly told her he "needed space." Within weeks, he was dating someone else, flaunting their relationship online. When Chloe asked for closure, Matt coldly told her, "You were never really what I wanted anyway." The truth was, Matt had used Chloe until she no longer fulfilled his needs, then discarded her without a second thought.

Breaking Free and Healing

If these signs resonate with you, don’t panic—but do take them seriously. Whether you’re single, dating, or married, recognising narcissistic traits early can save you years of emotional distress.

1. Trust the Holy Spirit

If something feels wrong, it probably is. The Holy Spirit is our guide, counsellor, and protector, warning us when we are in danger. Many people in toxic relationships feel an internal nudge that something isn’t right but ignore it, hoping things will change. This internal warning is not just your intuition—it is the Holy Spirit prompting you to open your eyes.

John 16:13 (NIV) – “But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth.”

When you sense that something is off—whether it’s a feeling of unease, repeated red flags, or a lack of peace in the relationship—listen to that warning. The Holy Spirit leads believers away from deception and into truth.

1 John 4:1 (NIV) – “Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God.”

If a person’s behaviour contradicts God’s Word—if they are manipulative, controlling, or deceitful—then they are not walking in alignment with His truth. You don’t need to wait for undeniable proof before acting on the warnings in your spirit. If their actions continually hurt you, it’s a sign to step away.

2. Set Clear Boundaries

A narcissist will always push against your boundaries because they thrive on control. But setting boundaries is not only necessary—it’s biblical. God calls us to protect our hearts and establish limits with those who mistreat us.

Proverbs 4:23 (NIV) – “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

Boundaries are a way of guarding your heart. A healthy relationship is one where both partners respect each other’s needs, values, and personal space. A narcissist, however, will try to guilt-trip you into removing your boundaries. They may say, “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t need space,” or “Why do you always make a big deal about things?”

Jesus Himself set boundaries. When people sought Him for selfish reasons, He withdrew to pray (Luke 5:16). When religious leaders tried to trap Him in arguments, He refused to engage on their terms (Matthew 22:15-22). You have the right to say no, to distance yourself from toxic people, and to demand respect.

If someone refuses to respect your boundaries, that is a clear sign they do not value you as a person, and you need to reconsider their place in your life.

3. Seek Support

Narcissists thrive in secrecy. They often isolate their victims, making them feel as if they have no one else to turn to. But healing from an abusive relationship requires seeking support—whether from a trusted friend, a pastor, a therapist, or a support group.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NIV) – “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”

God did not create us to go through life alone, especially not in times of hardship. Seeking wise counsel is not a sign of weakness—it is an act of strength.

Proverbs 11:14 (NIV) – “For lack of guidance a nation falls, but victory is won through many advisers.”

A therapist or support group can help you:

• Identify patterns of abuse and manipulation.

• Rebuild your confidence and self-worth.

• Develop strategies to set and maintain boundaries.

• Work through emotional and spiritual healing.

You don’t have to suffer in silence. Reach out for help, and let others walk with you in your healing journey.

4. Work on Your Self-Worth

Narcissists target people with low self-esteem because they are easier to manipulate. If you do not know your worth, it becomes easier to accept mistreatment, believing you don’t deserve better. However, your worth is not defined by what a narcissist says about you—it is defined by God.

Psalm 139:14 (NIV) – “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

God created you with purpose, value, and dignity. You do not need someone else's validation to be worthy of love and respect.

Romans 8:37 (NIV) – “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.”

Building self-worth means:

• Recognising your identity in Christ – You are not who the narcissist says you are; you are a beloved child of God.

• Practising self-care – Taking care of yourself mentally, physically, and spiritually.

• Speaking life over yourself – Replace the lies of the narcissist with the truth of Scripture.

When you know your worth, you become less susceptible to manipulation and more confident in walking away from toxic situations.

5. Go No Contact If Necessary

Sometimes, the only way to truly break free from a narcissist is to cut ties completely. This can be difficult, especially if you have strong emotional attachments or if the person is a spouse, co-parent, or family member. However, the Bible makes it clear that we are not called to remain in relationships that cause harm.

2 Corinthians 6:14 (NIV) – “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”

If a person continually deceives, manipulates, and mistreats you, they are not walking in the ways of God. You are not obligated to stay in a relationship that destroys your peace, faith, and emotional well-being.

Matthew 10:14 (NIV) – “If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet.”

Going no contact may include:

• Blocking them on social media and phone.

• Avoiding places where they might try to run into you.

• Cutting off mutual friends who enable their behaviour.

• Refusing to engage, even if they try to manipulate you back.

No contact is not about revenge; it is about protection. You are removing their access to your mind, emotions, and spirit so that you can heal in peace.

If going no contact is not an option (e.g., co-parenting situations), setting strict boundaries and limiting interaction to only necessary communication is crucial.

Choosing Freedom

Escaping a narcissistic relationship is a journey, but it is one that God can walk you through. He desires for you to be free, whole, and loved in a way that reflects His goodness.

Galatians 5:1 (NIV) – “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”

You were not created to live under manipulation and emotional bondage. If you have been in a toxic relationship, God can heal you, restore you, and guide you into a future filled with genuine love and peace.

Take the first step today—listen to the Holy Spirit, set boundaries, seek support, work on your self-worth, and if necessary, walk away. You deserve a love that reflects God’s heart, not one that drains your spirit.